The Four Stompas of the Apocalypse

The tactical situation - apoc game at the local Games Workshop. Two Ork players and a small Guard contingent line up against the varied forces of the Imperium, with Guard, Grey Knights, Space Wolves, Blood Angels and Dark Angels stood before them. Time for Waaaaaaaggghhhh!

 "Hand out those camo sticks!" yelled Platoon Sergeant Crick "Cover every exposed part of skin in green. You two, start a small brawl among that squad! Don't stand up straight, hunch over more! We're gonna have to really pull off one hell of a show if we're gonna make it back to Imperial lines alive..."

Bugrit surveyed the field in front of him. This was a Meks dream, the fruits of his labours given life on the field of battle. Naturally he didn't see things this way. Bugrit saw a good chance to crump stuff and get more loot. But despite his lack of elocution, it's fair to say that the description of his feelings was probably accurate.

Wazzdakka and a horde of bikes were over to the right flank. A Stompa and a Skullhamma were surrounded by all the wagons, truks and buggies of the clan, with a swarm of Stormboyz clustered behind the mass of the Stompa. Bugrit stood in a nest of Snotlings, plenty of ammo for his Shok Attack Gun. Over to the left, a rival clan had brought three Stompas to the party. They may think they had the best position in the centre of the field, but they aren't as fast as Bugrits lads. We'll beat em to the enemy, hell we can probably reach THEIR enemy before they do. On the far left there were what appeared to be some looted wagons crewed by Grots. Presumably they were allied with the other clan as they seemed to be in the midst of their lines. But grots are unimportant anyway...

The Stompas strode forwards, thier super gatlers tearing vast chunks out of the opposition. The entire speed freaks clan surged forward... well, not quite as one. They were bumping and shoving and trying to make sure they got to the enemy first. One truk exploded as a paniced shot from a krak missile struck home. As the vehicle fell to pieces around them, the lads emerged and vowed revenge upon the lowly marine that had committed them to walking. Their temper was not helped by their erstwhile allies driving past at speed, throwing insults and quite a bit of faeces at them. Most of the enemy fire was bouncing off the super heavy vehicles though. The occassional ripple of a kustom force field betraying the shots that could have potentially done more than scratch the paint job. Meanwhile, the bikers slaughtered the Ravenwing bikers who had been foolish enough to try to slow down the Stompa by getting in it's path. As they died, the air rippled and a squad of Terminators appeared behind the Stompa. The bikers roared into the assault, as did the Nob bikers lead by Wazzdakka. They slaughtered them in a brutal close combat, though several of the bikers were cut down in return. 

As the Orks broke in a wave upon the Imperial lines, more and more troops started to arrive behind the Ork forces. Blood Angels, Ultramarines, Space Wolves, Dark Angels. A couple of Dakkajets swooped low and annihalated the Blood Angels with supreme weight of fire. A jingling sounded as Santa came flying across the battlefield, firing missiles at... well, anyone happy really. You never know, it may even have hit the enemy. Bugrit decided that devastator squad in a bunker had been troublesome enough, and targetted his shok attack gun at them. There was a brief "Zogging eck!" followed by a bright flash... Bugrit, his grots, and the two low flying dakkajets had all vanished! Lost in the warp somewhere...
A double 1 roll on a Shok Attack Gun probably wouldn't effect flyers, but as the Orky side was winning so easily by this point that most of the reinforcements were troops that had already been killed in the battle being given a second chance we didn't see the harm in losing the flyers to such a funny result

The bikers and wazzdakka charged into the second Deathwing squad, and Santa joined them. ore than half the squad were wiped out. However when the Dread countered into Santa and managed to instant death him, the combat tipped in the Dark Angels favour. Wazzdakka tried to make a hasty escape, but he was captured by the Dark Angels. They seemed to think he had some intelligence on the whereabouts of some people who must have tripped. I don't see why they're so concerned, but have to admit that the idea of asking an Ork for intelligence shows the supreme naivety of the first legion...

By this point the left flank had started to turn upon itself. Smelling the umiez for what they really were, the Orks had turned upon them. They had then promptly switched sides and fired back. The speed freaks spotted a glint in the eye of a Stompa as they roared towards the nearest Baneblades... including a red one. Seeing the challenge, a speed freaks battlewagon instantly rammed the rogue Stompa with a deffrolla, as a looted wagon, dive bomber and Skullhamma all started firing at it. After quite a bruising the Ork player retired from the field of battle, with one Stompa dead and 2 limping (one of which had lost half it's mass, yet none of it from enemy fire!)

As some of the Orks withdrew, the umiez on the left realised that the Imperials weren't so forgiving of their earlier "play-acting" as some of their shots had been a little too convincing... terminally convincing in fact. They meant to get their revenge on the traitors, so the guard switched back to the Ork side as they fought for their very lives. The Dark Angels swiftly retreated with Wazzdakka, who having been unseated from his bike for the first time in months was finding walking a little difficult. He'd have to escape when he had feelings back in his legs. The guard were slaughtered as the first lads out ran riot, though most of the boyz were still in their transports, having not reached the enemy yet. It was decided that it was a solid Ork victory and the imperials withdrew to lick their wounds, as the lads celebrated a glorious victory, and a bloody good fight. One or two even wondered where Bugrit and Wazzdakka had got to, and why were they missing all the fun..?